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[limerences]

[Player name] Cora
[Age] 26
[Personal Journal] magneticjade
[Other characters currently played] N/A

[Character name] Subaru Sumeragi
[Age] 25
[Canon] X
[Point in time taken from canon] The "end" oh wait between book 18 and 18.5

[Background] Wiki Link -- more detailed background information also included in personality.

[Personality]
Subaru, for better or worse, has one of the most heart-wrenching stories of all of CLAMP's works. As a result, he goes through a variety of changes, both in obscure and obvious ways. To really understand how he is the way he becomes in X, and indeed the way he is where the story permanently leaves off, it's important to understand how he was in Tokyo Babylon.

Perhaps one of the best descriptions of Subaru's personality comes from Seishirou in Tokyo Babylon: "fatal kindness." Subaru often (read: always) becomes so caught up in helping other people that he frequently ends up in situations where his own safety - and even his life - are at risk. He is incredibly sensitive to the suffering of any living thing, and as a result feels compelled to do whatever is in his power to prevent further suffering, especially if he cannot heal it himself. Even as a very young child, he let other children beat up on him just so that they wouldn't abuse a stray puppy, and in the last arc of the manga he feels so compelled by a young boy who is suffering from kidney disease that he makes the decision to actually donate one of his own to help save his life (it's especially telling because even today, organ donation in Japan remains a somewhat controversial subject).

Because of this "fatal kindness", he allows himself to be affected by others on a very deep level. Subaru frequently states that he could never understand another person's pain, recognizing that it is impossible to ever completely empathize with a person and their unique experiences. However, even in Tokyo Babylon before he has any especially painful experiences of his own, we see that Subaru actually understands pain very well, perhaps because of the suffering he frequently witnesses. As an onmyouji, and especially as head of the Sumeragi clan, Subaru's profession is to exorcise spiritual corruption and correct spiritual disturbance. The causes of such things can take on many forms, but at the root is always some form of human suffering. As a result, even by the age of 16 he's experienced and seen more horrific scenes of human nature than most people do in their entire lives.

It's important to note that he's not always successful at helping the people he comes across. Not every story in Tokyo Babylon has a happy ending (in fact an argument could be made that most of them don't), but like a lot of things in life, it's often the ones that don't turn out for the best that have the most profound impact on people.

Like many people with an especially significant kind streak, Subaru is pretty heedless of his own needs. If not for his twin sister, Hokuto (whom he loves dearly), he would likely forget to eat or sleep. She's frequently scolding him for not taking care of himself enough, and though they live in separate, neighboring apartments, she is frequently preparing meals for him. Subaru's relationship with his sister is very close - they love each other fiercely and hate to be parted. When they were little, Subaru spent a year away from Hokuto for his onmyouji training (she has very little spiritual ability), and he reflects that he was unhappy for the whole year because he missed her so terribly.

Hokuto also provides essential emotional support for Subaru, because as she puts it - he's blind to his own heart. Subaru spends so much energy focusing on the well being of other people, often complete strangers, and he's been so thoroughly trained in etiquette that his own emotional responses become muted. When Subaru becomes emotional after Seishirou is injured protecting him, Hokuto comments that it was refreshing to see her brother as a "real person with real emotions." Obviously Subaru has real emotions as is evidenced by how affected he can become by someone else's pain, but it takes quite a lot for him to display just how strong these might be. She also knows that when Subaru does fall in love with someone, he'll love them so strongly that if the person he loved were to betray him, he would die.

Subaru and Hokuto spend an inordinate amount of time with a supposed veterinarian by the name of Seishirou Sakurazuka. The twins make frequent visits to his veterinary clinic and Seishirou joins them for meals and even occasionally on Subaru's jobs. Unbeknownst to the twins, Seishirou is actually the Sakurazukamori, the flip side of the coin of the Sumeragi. If Subaru is Yin, Seishirou is Yang, and the two clans have been at odds for generations. So where Subaru is kind and helps people, Seishirou kills them and feeds them to a sakura tree.

When Subaru was nine, he inadvertently witnessed this act, which generally requires that he also be killed. However, Seishirou (being Seishirou) decided to make a bet with the young Sumeragi head that essentially went along the lines of: When we meet again, I will spend a year with you, and if you can make me feel something for you then you win, but if not then I get to kill you. Seishirou marks Subaru with the sign of the Sakurazukamori - an inverted (upside-down) pentagram on the back of each hand, suppresses the memory deep within Subaru's subconscious, and lets him go.

So despite the fact that he's actually an unfeeling killer, Seishirou puts on a charade for one whole year to give Subaru a chance to win his heart (or something like it). Hokuto even frequently teases the two and pushes them toward one another as lovers (much to her brother's embarrassment). Seishirou even makes some advances (albeit one could perceive them as joking) towards Subaru. Subaru, for his part, appears to be uncertain through most of the story, but it's clear that Seishirou is someone very important to him - it's only when Seishirou steps in and loses an eye to a woman who's snapped that Subaru comes to realize his own feelings for him.

However, Seishirou decides that Subaru loses the bet.

Which conveniently also happens to coincide with Subaru realizing that he is actually in love with him. Seishirou declares that he feels nothing for him, that to break his arm is the same as breaking a glass, or to kick him is the same as simply kicking a stone. People are things, and no one cries when things are broken. The abuse - both emotional and physical - from the person he loves is enough to send Subaru into a catatonic state. He recedes inside himself, deep within his heart, completely oblivious to the outside world and his twin's pleas to wake up. Nothing she does works to awaken him.

Except her death, by Seishirou's hand.

The change in Subaru is immediate. He drops out of school (not that he'd been going much anyway) because he'll be too busy searching for Seishirou looking for revenge. At least, that's how it starts out. And that's where Tokyo Babylon ends.

Fast forward about 8 years or so.

For 8 years, Subaru's done nothing but search for Seishirou. While he still performs his onmyouji duties for people who need it, it's clear that he spends much of his energy on looking for the Sakurazukamori. What is unclear, however, is how long it took for Subaru to lose thoughts of killing Seishirou to his wish to be killed by him. After trying to completely banish Seishirou from his heart, he finds it impossible. Even though Seishirou killed his twin sister, even though he hurt him in the worst way possible, at the end of the day Subaru is still in love with Seishirou.

The thought of being hated by someone he loves is incredibly damaging to him, but with Seishirou it's worse, because according to Seishirou, he's not even worth killing. So his whole purpose in life becomes focused around being strong enough to at least be a nuisance, to someday finally get enough notice from Seishirou that he'll want to kill him, because then at least he has to look at him, has to acknowledge his existence if only for a short amount of time. This becomes his wish and enables him to construct a kekkai, or spiritual barrier, which technically puts him on the side of the Dragons of Heaven, though he has absolutely zero care about what happens to the world (because as far as he's concerned, with any luck he'll be dead).

So essentially, for eight years he's thought of absolutely nothing but Seishirou, and hasn't even seen him. He is absolutely consumed by him, belongs to him utterly. In Tokyo Babylon, we see him as friendly, if a little quiet, and excessively caring. While he never loses his compassionate side all together, the "fatal" side of that kindness is gone. Essentially, there's limits to what he's willing to do for others now, because he's living only so that Seishirou can kill him. He still clearly cares about human suffering, though it doesn't affect him nearly to the degree that it did before. Subaru becomes more reserved and closed off to everyone, including his last remaining family member, his grandmother. He also continues to carry an especial amount of guilt over Seishirou losing his eye for him, so much so that Fuuma senses his desire to lose his own eye, and does him the favor of gouging it out (much to Seishirou's own annoyance).

Because of his extreme obsession with Seishirou, Subaru's ability to form deep connections with people is severely affected. The only exception to this appears to be Kamui, in whom Subaru sees a reflection of himself because of their experiences, but he recognizes that there are several fundamental differences. Still, the affection he has for Kamui pales in comparison to the mark that Seishirou has left on him. The problem is that his emotional state has been so warped by what Seishirou did to him that he's entirely incapable of truly loving anyone else.

It also means that when they do finally meet again that Subaru loses miserably multiple times because Seishirou has that strong of a hold over him. Fuuma is able to break his techniques just by looking like the Sakurazukamori, and Seishirou pretty much just has to show up and look at him to make Subaru fluster. That isn't to say he can't get off any of his own attacks when he wants to, but onmyoujitsu takes an inordinate amount of concentration for spells to be done correctly and effectively, and Seishirou is able to mess with that incredibly easily.

But even so, no matter how hard he might try, Subaru's fated to never get his wish because of the spell that Hokuto cast using her own life force, which essentially says that if Seishirou tries to kill Subaru the way he did her (which is with his hand through her chest), that the attack would be rebounded upon him. Which is, of course, exactly what happens. So with his dying breath, Seishirou leaves Subaru with his last words that we technically don't really know, but popular opinion is that he tells Subaru "I love you." Because what better way to ensure that someone will always belong to you than to die in their arms telling them what they've always wanted to hear from you?

Leaving them your only good eye helps, too.

The fact that Subaru accepts Seishirou's eye as a replacement for his own, thus becoming the next Sakurazukamori, speaks volumes about just how deeply Seishirou is ingrained in his heart. Subaru is willing to give up essentially everything that he is, to become the exact opposite of his nature until now, in order to keep one small part of Seishirou alive. He's willing to take on the task of killing, of causing pain rather than ending it, because that is how much he loves him. As a result, though, because Seishirou is dead, Subaru no longer has a wish to protect, and he loses his ability to create a kekkai.

Because CLAMP has essentially stated that X will never be finished, we'll never really know what happens to Subaru. It leaves off with him becoming the next Sakurazukamori and appearing with Fuuma to Kamui, but he states that there's nothing else that he wants to do. So he's neither acting as ally or enemy, even if he's now technically a Dragon of Earth. We also don't know if being the Sakurazukamori will have any especial impact on his personality, though it isn't hard to extrapolate that having to kill people on a regular basis will have a profound impact on that fatally kind nature.

TL;DR

To boil it down, Subaru is a kind person. He cares about others and feels compelled to help when he witnesses suffering, even if only in a small way. While he no longer will give up his life for a complete stranger (and probably not a kidney at this point, either), if it's within his ability, he will still go somewhat out of his way to help. He can form friendships and enjoy a person's company, but forming an especially deep attachment is all but impossible because he will always put Seishirou first. In X a side story depicts Subaru exorcising, at the request of a woman's mother, a spirit of the woman's lover whom she'd raised. The mother explained that even though her daughter appeared happy, she didn't want to hand her over to anyone else, even a dead man. Because a heart that can only think of one person is an ailing one. Subaru's heart is very ill, because Seishirou has warped him so entirely that he will never be able to love anyone else.

Though his expressions are often muted, Subaru also has the tendency to be a little more transparent about his pain than he realizes, but few people are able to decrypt the reasons. Kamui appears to be the only person since his sister's death to see parts of his heart that Subaru can't see himself, though still only in a few instances. He smokes, but it's in odd emulation of Seishirou and also because supposedly it's good for his onmyoujitsu (who knew). Though he'll refrain from it in the presence of others if it bothers them.

As a bit of a side note, Subaru loves animals, especially dogs. When he was younger it'd been his dream to be a zoologist and an animal caretaker, and possibly to raise puppies as well. At one point in Tokyo Babylon Subaru says he prefers the company of animals because he has a hard time communicating with people the way he wants, but animals understand a person's heart right away.

At the end of the day, Subaru doesn't really know what happiness is anymore. Hokuto wanted him and Seishirou to live and be happy, but even if someone were to drop everything he'd ever wanted in his lap, he wouldn't know what to do with it. Like love, he might be able to feel momentary happiness, or be happy for someone, but his own happiness is something that will never be truly attainable because he's lived with pain and focused so intensely on that pain for so long. In a twisted way, that is what he wants and craves. So long as it's Seishirou.

Strengths: Cares about others, compassionate almost to a fault (just not as much as he used to be)

Weaknesses: Seishirou.

[Abilities]
A really poorly written CLAMP Wiki article

As an onmyouji Subaru can use a variety of spells and incantations for defensive and offensive purposes. He'll also use ofuda, or special paper cards with spells written on them to set up barriers, trap an enemy, and even turn them into shikigami (typically in the form of white birds) to attack or track a target. As part of the Sumeragi clan, he was trained in both light and dark onmyoujitsu, but at this point knows mostly light (yin) techniques and is considered to be the most powerful in Japan. However since he's transformed into the Sakurazukamori, he'll also have the ability to use dark (yang) onmyoujitsu more effectively and grow those abilities as well.

In Somarium he'll be able to do most of that stuff, just not on a wide-scale, destroying Tokyo level, so his most powerful spells will be taken down a few notches.

PHYSICALLY he can move pretty well, though I wouldn't go so far as to say he's especially strong. Working with spirits that want to do you harm means you'd better be able to get out of the way in a battle, but a lot of his movements are also aided by spiritual power. So someone who is a sword fighter could probably physically overpower him - if they could get past the onmyoujitsu.

[Other important stuff]

Subaru has two different colored eyes - left is green, right is gold. The right eye is technically Seishirou's left eye that Fuuma recovered after his death.

He is obsessed with Seishirou. OBSESSED.

[Sample post]
[First Person]

In which Subaru writes a letter to his dead twin sister.




Hokuto-chan,

Seishirou-san is dead.

I don't know if you would even recognize me anymore. So much has happened since you passed away, I don't know where to begin.

I don't even know if I want to tell you, if you want to know. I'm not the same person I used to be.

I don't want to make you sad, not when you gave your life so that I could be happy.

But with you and Seishirou-san gone, I don't know that I will ever be happy. Does that mean your sacrifice was in vain? Even though he killed you, I still loved him. But...you knew, didn't you? I should have listened to my older sister more.

Now I've lost both of the people I love.

One piece of him still exists in this world. The 'Kamui' of the Dragons of Earth gave it to me - Seishirou-san's left eye, to replace my right one. 'Kamui' had destroyed it earlier. He said that Seishirou-san's last wish was to erase that scar from my body, and that to accept it I would become the new Sakurazukamori. To keep the only thing left of the person I love alive, I had to take his place as an assassin. As a murderer.

I won't ask your forgiveness, Hokuto-chan. I don't deserve it, if my decision makes you sad.

I took it.

I am the new Sakurazukamori.

I killed Seishirou-san.


[Third Person]

"My wish can only be realized by 'Kamui.'"

Subaru watched the Dragons of Earth 'Kamui' leave, taking long, arching bounds over the rooftops of what's left of Tokyo. Much of the city was already in ruins, people fleeing for their lives from the oncoming apocalypse if they'd been lucky enough to already have survived everything else up to this point. As far as they were concerned, the world was already coming to an end, even if the final battle had yet to take place.

His gaze turned to the sidewalk below, watching the few that remained who tried to get on with their lives. A mother ushered two children along with her, one holding onto each hand. Twins. A boy and a girl. Despite everything, they appeared to be happy, laughing together as they meandered down the street. Every now and then the children would tug on their mother's hands and pull her over to look into a shop window.

A familiar ache welled within him as he watched. It was a pain that he'd lived with so long it almost didn't even feel like pain anymore. Old memories with Hokuto seemed almost an entire lifetime away, like they weren't even his. Reality warped around them like light bending through a prism.

Since becoming the Sakurazukamori, Subaru thought he hadn't noticed any immediate changes within him. The numbing of his ability to empathize with other people started the day Hokuto died. The longer his new state stretched, the more he wondered about what it'd really meant for Seishirou to be the Sakurazukamori as one born into it. Would his emotions also become numbed? Would he become as indifferent to people as Seishirou had claimed to be? Even now, it seemed difficult. Every time he pictured himself taking another life, it still seemed almost impossible, especially to take an innocent life.

But it didn't change the fact that eventually, he would do it. Because that was the price he accepted in exchange for the last piece of the man he loved to continue living.

A cry from below refocuses his attention back on the children he'd been watching a moment ago. One - the boy - had fallen scraping up his hands and knees. Children are more durable than most people realize, but the shock had still prompted him to let out a wail. Subaru watched as his sister promptly forgot all about their mother to go and wrap her arms around her brother, pulling him up and comforting him. He imagined her also scolding him not to cry at the same time, that if he wants someone to love him later in life, he'll have to stop crying.

For the first time in a long while, a smile breaks through the pain, just for an instant, and then vanishes.

[Why do you want to play this character in Somarium?] Because Somarium is full of unicorns, like an X cast and a bunch of other characters you don't really see in other games! Also because putting Subaru in a situation that will break his brain even further will be fun.

[Which rule was your favorite and why?] Play nice with others.
[Where did you hear about Somarium?] Seishirou was stalking me on Bakerstreet (Actually I did play here like 2 years ago too aahhh)
[Any questions?] NOPE!