Something that will get a title later, PART THREE

[limerences]

"Who died?"

Hiroshi. Even if he was only voicing her own thoughts, Misato fixed her brother with a sharp look.

"Your manners, clearly."

"Aw, c'mon, little sis. You sure you got the right groom? I think that guy was on his way to a funeral - Keiko-chan's real husband is out there some where thinking he just dodged a speeding bullet after roping that poor sod into this charade." That insufferable grin of his followed. At this range, it was pretty clear that he'd been taking full advantage of the open bar.

The reception had only been under way for an hour.

"That," she said stiffly, "is the head of the Sumeragi clan, and you will not utter another disrespectful word where members of that family can hear you. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah yeah, I hear you. But c'mon." Hiroshi edged closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and leaning in with a lowered voice. "The guy looks like someone just ran over his favorite kitten. He just married my adorable, sweet little niece, and I keep looking over to see if he's finally broken down in tears yet. She deserves someone with at least a better personality, am I right?"

Misato said nothing.

"Ahh well," he straightened, stepping away from her to raise his palms in a shrug. "As long as they go on to raise lots of fat healthy babies, that's all that matters, right? Who needs love, anyway?"

She pressed her lips together in a tight, thin line, hands clenched as she reeled in her temper. It wouldn't do to raise her voice to him. Not here. Not now.

"Perhaps you should leave before you get even more drunk than you already are and embarrass our side of the family even more than you already have," she warned icily.

Hiroshi stopped, and turned back toward her. His eyes darkened as his smile sharpened.

"Well," he met her ice with acid. "We can't all marry rich politicians now can we, my precious little sister?"

Misato felt her teeth grind together before she spoke again.

"I'll make your excuses to Keiko. Get out."


----



They had been blessed, well-wished, and congratulated to exhaustion.

The day had seemed endless. The hours of preparation in the morning. The procession to the shrine. The ceremony itself had taken relatively little time, but everything before and after by far had been one of the most taxing experiences of his life. An unending line of guests to greet, followed by unending speeches from people he barely knew, if he knew them at all. Even with all of the members of the subsidiary parts of the family, hers still seemed to outnumber his at least two to one.

He'd spent the whole day in a daze. It was...surreal. Almost out-of-body, like the experience were happening to someone else. All these things that that he couldn't somehow couldn't reconcile with his own existence. Something so simple and common as a wedding, but he'd never given it a thought until it had become a necessary obligation to fulfill. Subaru had struggled to stay present; bowing, murmuring words of thanks over and over again, robotic.

He couldn't bring himself to smile.

Just when he felt as though he'd reached his limit, thankfully it was over.

Almost.

They'd been escorted back to the Sumeragi compound, ushered into separate rooms to change into bedclothes, then finally back together again in one of the larger rooms of the wing reserved for the head of the clan and his immediate family. They sat together, facing representatives from both families, and were wished a successful consummation of their marriage.

The paper thin screens slid shut. There were a few moments of shuffling, bodies retreating, the occasional creaking of the old wooden floorboards on the outer veranda. Then, silence.

Consummation.

His mind had always too easily slid away from the connotations of the word, refocusing almost immediately onto another topic so that he'd never spent any time considering what it would really mean. In practical terms, he's had absolutely zero experience. The desire to engage in any kind of sexual activity was almost entirely absent from his mind.

But now they've arrived at this moment. There were expectations of them both from their families, but right now it was her expectations that has him frozen in place, barely able to contain the threatening wave of anxiety and fear.



The silence stretched for what felt like an hour.

Subaru hadn't moved an inch since the doors had closed. Alone, together, for the very first time. In fact, she wasn't even sure he was breathing, he was so still.

Keiko sat silently, waiting. Let him take the lead, she'd been told. It was her duty to be an obedient wife, to fulfill her role with love and devotion, and continue the line of this noble family. A boy, ideally, but the family had dwindled so that a girl would do. But let him tell you what he wants from you; how he wants you. He is the man, you are the woman.

She turns her head, barely noticeable, and glances at him out of the corner of her eye, sure that her new husband has turned to stone.

His expression is blank, but there's something in his eyes that makes her fully turn her head to look at him. He seems...apprehensive, despite his rigid posture.

Somehow, for the first time, she's realizing just how young they both are. She was herself only twenty-one, and Subaru just barely twenty-two. According to their own culture, they were hardly adults. Even now, more people were waiting for marriage until at least another five or six years from now. But such was their fate as children of the old, upper-echelon families. Arranged marriages at a young age.

Still in these modern times, many people would balk at sleeping with someone you've just met - a mere stranger, an unknown entity. Yet here they were, the only difference being that they've just been married.

She was nervous.

Perhaps it'd be different, if she hadn't been standing next to his growing discomfort the entire day. Truthfully, it hadn't been an entirely pleasant experience for her, either. She'd though herself numb hours ago when she stopped noticing how much her body had been complaining. A headache had only just an hour ago started to wane, her hair pulled tightly into a traditional style. She envied his simpler traditional dress; what she wouldn't have given to wear a simple hakama and haori the entire day instead of layers upon layers of kimono. The frequent changing of costumes hadn't helped much at all.

But though he'd stood and endured all of the people and speeches with her, that was what it had felt like - endurance. She had been told of his quiet, shy nature, but she didn't think she caught him looking at all like he'd enjoyed himself for a single moment all day. While she'd used up much of her energy to smile and look happy, as was expected, Subaru had remained solemn and humble. Now, he looks as though he may simply collapse.

What she wouldn't give to do just that.

But there was a duty to be done, no matter how much she very much doubted how willing either of them were that night, she couldn't go to her mother the next day and admit that she hadn't even tried.

She shifted, moving closer and orienting her body toward his before gently reaching to take one of his hands in both of hers. He'd worn gloves throughout the entire day.

The touch seemed to break whatever spell he'd been in, because for the first time that day, he focused his attention directly on her.

"Keiko-san..."

"Just Keiko, if you like. We are married now, after all." Even as the words left her mouth, it seemed strange.

She lifted her eyes to his. Green. A wholly un-Japanese color, but somehow a distinctive trait that had mysteriously shown up in the clan several generations back. Some believed that the trait manifested only in its most powerful members. There were a lot of things in those eyes.

But what she saw was exhaustion.

"May I call you Subaru?"

His eyes dropped from hers.

"As you wish."

Somehow, she felt that this moment would somehow characterize the entirety of their marriage.

Suppressing a sigh, she curled her fingers underneath the edge of the glove, and carefully began to peel it away.

Something tingled through her. It started at her fingertips where her skin brushed his and slipped up her arms before flickering the length of her body. She sucked in a startled breath, jerking her hand back. If it'd been physical, it would've felt akin to a small electric shock. But it hadn't been physical at all.

That had been spiritual energy.

She froze. But no amount of stillness could erase her reaction - Subaru's bewildered stare was evidence of that.

Damn.

A long moment of silence followed. If he was expecting her to provide an explanation, he was getting one. But he saved her the trouble.

"...you can sense spiritual energy."

It wasn't a question. She didn't have to answer.

"...yes."


---


If he had ever stopped to think about it, it was pretty incredible that his body continued to function. Between the residual affects from the onmyoujitsu, injuries he sustained when a job became especially dangerous, a terrible diet, smoking and very little real sleep, most people would have perhaps succumbed years ago. Though apparently he had become so accustomed to such self-abuse and self-neglect that even hours upon hours of ceremony and social protocol hadn't drained his resources enough so that he could manage more than two hours of sleep.

That, and his mind simply wouldn't leave him alone. He'd had to put in most of his attention toward guests and family members and expectations all day that thoughts in the back of his mind had simply gathered and built upon one another, twisting within him. His emotions hadn't been this tumultuous since that day...though it still couldn't really compare.

But still. It felt like a knife in his chest.

Keiko had gone strangely (for all that he could tell) quiet after she'd reacted to his spell. Subaru had simply been weaving a small illusion to cover the scars on his hands so that she could remove his gloves. He'd only mastered it recently, a derivation of more complicated yang spells meant to create more large scale illusions.

Like the kind that can make a hospital room disappear.

He thought perhaps he'd just been clumsy with it, making a small mistake out of exhaustion that she just happened to feel. But then her reaction had been...strange, and what's more than that, in that moment he'd felt a stronger spiritual presence from her, though it had vanished nearly in an instant.

It didn't make any sense.

Afraid of waking her, he'd slipped from the room, padding silently through empty rooms until he was outside. The air was cool - it was still spring, and the warmth of the day had left with the sun.

Subaru gazed for a moment at the tranquility of the garden before dropping himself down onto the wooden veranda silently and lighting a cigarette. It was more the ritual, the memories brought on by the scent of tobacco, than the nicotine, that helped to him to have a chance at grasping onto calm again. If only for a little while.

He didn't care about any of this. None of it mattered, none of it would make a difference. The only thing that would happen is that more people would be affected when he finally got his wish. The one thing he did want in the world. Perhaps, in hindsight, he should have refused. The clan wouldn't die out, but the power would diminish. Yet, strangely, with as much as he was obligated to future and current generations, he couldn't find it in him to sincerely be concerned with the future. It had been prophesied that he would play a part in the end of the world - whatever that meant. He didn't care about the end of the world.

Only one thing mattered to him now. The same thing that had consumed him for the last five years.

Finding him.

All of this was merely a distraction. None of it could aid him in his goal, though other than taking up a few days of his time and attention, neither was it a hindrance. But never more in his life had he felt the futility of the role that he had been born into. All of the social conditioning and protocols, the family politics and dynamics - it was all so maddeningly pointless that more than once he'd felt so overwhelmed almost to the point of screaming.

Thankfully, he hadn't.

He took another inhale on the cigarette, and drew his knees in close to rest his arms there and drop his head onto them, curling up against his thoughts.



She didn't sleep at all. Which, given how exhausted she was, was incredibly irritating. It'd been a long day, an awkward and (thankfully?) uneventful evening. But after that shock of direct contact from Subaru's power, she'd felt jittery. Awake. Still, she'd attempted to drift off.

It didn't work.

Keiko guessed it was about one in the morning when she heard him shift, then finally move off of the futon, rummage for something for a moment, then leave. Apparently she wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep, though she wasn't aware of his fractured habits, either.

Maybe, without him in the room, it'll be easier to finally fall asleep.

After another thirty minutes, she gave in. It just wasn't happening.

Though she hadn't been watching him, she figured that he probably hadn't thought to protect himself against the cooler night air. Traditional Japanese houses were notorious for being poorly heated, and she wouldn't be surprised if Subaru was the type of person to just not think about that kind of thing. The type of man - and she was his wife now, after all.

So after she wrapped herself up, she gathered up his haori and left the room, only to realize that he could be just about anywhere, and she didn't know her way around the old house at all.

It was the scent of the cigarette that brought her to him.

Thankfully it hadn't taken all that long to find him, but when she does she couldn't help thinking he just looked so much like a small, lost child. Except for the cigarette. But that didn't matter.

Wordlessly, she moved closer, and dropped the haori across his bare shoulders. When he glanced up at her, she offered him a small, if tired, smile.

"Thought you'd be cold."

"...thank you." His voice was soft.

She let a few quiet moments go by, then: "May I join you?"

He seemed to consider it a moment, and for a moment she wondered if he would actually decline.

"As-"

"As I wish, I know. I do." She settled herself next to him. Not especially close, but not too far. A friendly distance. He will have to get used to her, after all. And she to him. She sat cross-legged, informal; there had been enough tradition and social expectations for one day.

"It was tough today, huh? I don't think I've bowed so much in one day in all my life."

Out in the open, it felt less suffocating. Fewer people, the sky, a light breeze. For the first time in what felt like days, she felt herself relaxing a little. Somehow, with just the two of them there, his silence didn't feel so...cold. Especially when he surprised her by speaking again, unprompted.

"No one told me that you're sensitive to spiritual energy."

So it looked like she wasn't getting out of that one so easily. Of course not. He was only the most powerful onmyouji of the last several generations.

She gazed out at the garden.

"No one told me you smoke."

The response seemed to have surprised him, if the way he looked at her was any indication. Keiko swung her legs a bit as they dangled off the edge of the veranda, just above the fine gravel. It was nice to know she could catch him off guard, to break through that proper exterior, if only a little.

"Does it bother you?"

She shrugged. "Not really. My uncle smokes, though my mother thinks the habit should be beneath those born into such high rank." The thought made the corner of her lips twitch into an almost smile. Her mother sometimes tried a little too hard to be well-born.

"...I see."

Silence again. He inhaled. Exhaled. Shifted and put one leg down.

Keiko looked down at her feet, imagining a koi pond beneath them.

"It comes and goes." She saw him shift at the periphery of her vision, and she glanced over at him, flashing a small smile. "My spiritual sensitivity, as you put it. Most people don't know I have it at all. Not even my mother."

"You've kept it secret?"

She nodded, tilting her head to itch at her scalp -- a hairpin pulled free. She still hadn't dealt with that yet.

"Yes. It would always manifest randomly, and not for very long. Just flashes of things." Her hands now busied themselves with finding each and every single pin, pulling them out one by one. "Most people didn't believe me when I told them about it, because I could never give them proof. It was never solid enough for most people to think that I wasn't just hallucinating."

Ten pins collected in a small pile between them. Eleven. Twelve.

"My brother believed me, though. He was the first one. When I was nine he brought me to see someone he thought could help me understand what it was."

Half of her hair suddenly cascaded to her shoulders, crimped from the style, but untangled. She glanced over at him then, pleasantly surprised to see that she seemed to have his full attention.

"It was the 12th head of the Sumeragi clan, your grandmother."

He clearly hadn't expected to hear that. The obvious look of surprise on his face was somehow satisfying. The cigarette appeared to be forgotten, ashes dropping off the end into the rocks below.

"What did she say?"

Fifteen pins. Sixteen. Seventeen.

"She told me that my ability wasn't fully formed, and never would be." Keiko paused, biting her lip and furrowing her brow as one pin decided to cause some extra trouble. It came free after a moment. "But that I had pre-cognitive sensitivities."

When Subaru was silent for several moments, she glanced over at him. More pins joined the pile, and perhaps she shouldn't feel so pleased with herself right now, but it was nice to know that he did have more than one expression.

"You can see the future," he confirmed, softly.

Thirty-three, thirty-four- wait. Hadn't she already done thirty-five and thirty-six? Oh well.

"If you can call what amounts more to a very strong sense of deja-vu once the event happens, yes. Sometimes I can collect a feeling or a flash of a scene or a person, but it's always more fuzzy than it is clear. Like looking through water."

The last pin finally pulled free, and the rest of her hair came down. She shook her head several times, pressed the pads of her fingers to her scalp and rubbed hard. "Finally - that feels much better."

"...did you sense anything, earlier?"

One hand kept rubbing at her temple. The worst of the headache had been there, and now, annoying, it seemed to be making a comeback for whatever reason. Keiko thought back to that moment, imagined it as it happened, tried to recreate the sensation from memory. Blankness. Not emptiness, but blankness. Which...didn't necessarily mean anything.

"Not really. It doesn't always happen. I might sense spiritual energy, but it doesn't mean that I'll see the future every time. Like I said, it comes and goes."

"Oh..."

Keiko began coming her fingers through her hair, thoughtfully, wondering what he might be thinking. She could ask, though at the moment she doubted he would open up quite that easily. Still, this already felt...easier.

She looked over at him.

"May I request something of you?" Eventually she'll just skip this part.

"Of course."

"I'd like to visit your sister tomorrow, if you have time. I'd like to meet her."

His eyes turned to her, and something changes. There, perhaps, if just for a moment, she thought maybe she saw it.

A smile.

"I think she would be happy to meet you, too."